It's Not You.....Or Maybe It Is

Many of you are learning to break the habit of allowing others to mistreat and take advantage of you. This is a good thing and if you are working on this, we support you and are proud of your efforts. It is good for you to set healthy boundaries, as long as you set them on your own property.

You may realize that when you tell a child to defend himself, you must be specific. A child who does not have enough life experience to understand what you are saying, may assume that it is alright to become a bully. It is, regrettably, the same for many adults.

When you have an agreement or friendship with another person, it is appropriate to expect to have an equal partnership, with that person. You have every right to speak up when another person does not hold up their end of the bargain. You do not have the right to abuse that person. When you move into a place of being abusive, you are trying to right a wrong with another wrong.

"Standing your ground" and "setting your boundaries" does not give you the karmic freedom to make a "preemptive strike". Do not be so fearful of others hurting and attacking you, that you become the abuser.

When children are taught martial arts by an experienced teacher, they are encouraged to avoid using them unless it is necessary. They are not told to accept the attacks of others, but to avoid problem situations and walk away if possible. As with all things, balance is important.

It is important to learn and be able to stand up for yourself, but you don't need to wear you defenses like a suit of armor.

Think of an elephant. They are large creatures that are capable of inflicting serious damage to an enemy. Yet elephants don't normally seek to attack unless they are hurt or provoked. Most animals will avoid such an engagement. The lesson they teach is to stand tall, knowing you have all you need to protect yourself, but do not engage in attack or defense unless it is necessary.

What we say to you is: protect yourself for you deserve to be treated fairly, but wear your self-esteem and confidence on the outside, not your armor to weapons. Those around you will either be attracted to your strong yet loving nature, or be repelled as they have a much different vibration. Either way, you will benefit. ~Silas

Jinnzania's side notes: This has always been a challenge for me. I don't like to be mean to others, unfortunately, others are not often as considerate. Sometimes I avoid saying things so as to not hurt the feelings of another, then resentment builds up and I either explode in anger, or stay away from the person. Sometimes, it's an issue that can be resolved, if handled with firmness and compassion, and people who are that offended, will usually leave and end the situation.

As hard as it can be sometimes, I know that when I tell the other party what is bothering me, it clears things up. Yes, it can make things awkward, and the awkwardness is uncomfortable for me, but the alternative is anger and resentment directed inward, and that's not ok.

Friendships have ended because I have walked away, unable to express my frustrations openly. In most cases, the parties involved would have met my words with attack and the results would be the same. I just try to act from my heart and and continue working on it. So with regard to this subject. I would advise listening to Silas. Not my area of expertise, but learning more every day and Googling the crap out of it.