You have been brainwashed to run away from what is love, and chase what is fairy tale (although, we Fae will not take credit for this).
You have princesses, who rush to marry men they have just met. People who cannot live without each other. A person with a big, gaping hole in their heart, desperate to find someone to fill it.
Your models for the ultimate romance are two children from dysfunctional families, who come together and find a few moments of peace and sanity in their troubled lives. They immediately wed in secret, and proceed to have a relationship that is so co-dependent that they commit suicide when their lives have just begun, rather than go on alone.
Think about it. This is your most famous example of romance. No wonder you are confused.
The first mistake you often make is to find a hole, or missing piece that needs filling. Then you look outside of yourselves to fill it. When the relationship ends, the hole opens up again. You feel empty, and rush to find another to fill it up again. You beat yourself up for being alone.
Would it surprise you to know that those with he most love in their hearts are often those who are not in relationships? Those you make fun of when you are attached to someone, and cry to when the relationship fails? Yes, they are the ones, who have filled in their own holes and missing pieces. They can be alone or in a relationship and not lose their identity.
When they love, they attract a person who is also complete. They can choose to grow with this person, and accept them as they are. They do not need to pretend to be someone else to please their partner. If the relationship ends they part friends and continue with their lives without the suicide or other drama.
Love does not drop on you like a bomb. It sneaks up and curls around you like a shy kitten. It grows from friendship or a working relationship. It is quietly holding hands in a corner rather than, passionately kissing in public.
How do you know you're in love? Love is not a switch that is turned on or off. When you get there, you won't care that you are in love, you will not rush to update your relationship status. You will enjoy every moment of the experience and not worry about who knows about it or where it is headed.
But most of all, you will love yourself. Completely and unconditionally love yourself, and death cannot part you. ~Silas
Jinnzania's side notes: Since my divorce was finalized, I have been single, in a relationship and casually dated. It took spending time alone and getting to know my own energy to make me realize that I love who I am and don't want to have to change to be in a relationship. On my last date the Universe showed me this in a very frightening way.
I accepted a date with a neighbor who had helped me with my car. He started to text me hours before the date, asking me what I was wearing. I joked that I was wearing a skirt and that he might want to go another way. He answered that I would look sexy whatever I wore (red flag #1). In the car he made small talk constantly bringing the subject back to how pretty I looked and that I had a nice body (#2). After drinks we went to a place he wanted to show me. He grabbed me and kissed me as soon as we were out of the car (#3 and what should have been the "take me home NOW!" moment). We'd both had a few drinks and I pushed him away telling him that I wasn't ready. We walked further and at every available moment, he would grab me and kiss me (red flag too many). I pushed him away, each time his hands slipping further underneath my clothes. He told me that everyone in my social circle was lying to me. He told me two of our neighbors were drug addicts (I'm the only one you can trust).
Years ago I would have fallen for this, (and did a few times). He was controlling, possessive and manipulative. In one person, I saw all of my past relationship mistakes. With the help of the local police, I told him I did not want another date.
Even if he hadn't been a perverted freak, I would have had to suppress and censor myself to be with him. This will not happen any more. If you can't see and appreciate all of the things I am learning to love about myself, then there is no point in trying to have a relationship. If you can't handle me unfiltered and uncensored, then you are not worth my time.
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