The Other "V" Word

There are many things that can be said about human addiction. It can take many destructive forms. Traditionally, a substance is involved, but all too often humans also become addicted to emotions, situations and people. The worst addiction you can have is that of being a victim.

"Why would one have such a silly addiction?" you ask. This puzzles us as well, and we were wondering the same thing. Yet you do it everyday.

"Why does this keep happening to me? Why will my weight not change? Why do others have the better jobs; homes; relationships?"

If all things are happening to you, then you are a victim. When you stop being a victim, things will get better. How do you do that? Well, you just stop.

Those brave souls who fight their own addictions to alcohol or drugs every day of their lives are a wonderful example. They may not know where they are headed, but they have the common sense to put on the brakes rather than continue to drive off the cliff.

They are a wonderful example to follow. Many of them are still filling in the holes in their lives which they had once used drugs or alcohol to fill. If they were to have a drink, or a smoke, they would feel momentarily better. They would feel whole again. Until they were not. The cycle would continue until the hole is filled from within.

Being a victim is a great emotional "high". It's quite fun actually. You can eat or drink whatever you want. You don't have to work and you can sleep with anyone you like. The best part is that whatever happens to you is never your fault. When things go badly, it's all about what other things, situations and people have done to you. The problem, as with any substance abuse, is that things will inevitably go badly.

You have within you, the ability to overcome all of your addictions. You are whole, perfect and complete with no assistance from other people, situations or substances. When you stop allowing things to be done to you, you gain the power to do things, then, magically, you are no longer the victim.

Then you learn that no one has been abusing you but yourself.

In the beginning, you must feel the pain and the emptiness. This can be frightening, but it only lasts until you begin to fill the holes. Filling yourself from within puts you in a place where no one can hurt you or take advantage of you. The longer you've been "addicted" to your victimhood, the bigger the holes are, but know that you have the power to fill them completely.

Victims traditionally, do not take action. So if you don't want to be one, then you must act. Stop what you are doing, and make a different choice. Don't take that drink, call a friend. Don't eat that cake, have a salad, or take a walk. Small steps strengthen you. Then bigger ones are possible. You can't do that, you say? Congratulations! You are a victim. Remove the "C" word from your vocabulary, and start doing things. It is a much more satisfying way to live.

When you trip on an object that is lying in the middle of the floor, do not curse it for the pain in your foot, pick it up, put it away, or throw it out. Wave your magic wand at those who try to hurt or take advantage of you and say, "Be gone! You have no power here!" Then dance down the yellow brick road of your choice. If a little girl from Kansas can do it, so can you. <3 Silas


Jinnzania's side notes: I've learned the hard way that being a victim is like walking around with a target on your forehead. I was telling the world, "Over here! I'm the one! Kick me, please!" I spent most of my adult life overweight. I would diet, feel sorry for myself, give in to a fattening treat and feel momentarily satisfied, then wonder why I couldn't lose weight. I would live in an unsatisfying relationship, just to be in one. I would be always anxious and insecure, but in those brief moments when the other person responded to me and briefly filled my emotional holes, all felt right in the world. Until they stopped. I allowed myself to be physically and emotionally screwed, as I chased that elusive high.

One day, I found myself in the street, having been kicked there by one of my favorite "addictions". After a few false starts, I allowed myself to feel the emptiness. Then I saw the holes. I started to fill them with love. As they filled, I noticed that I attracted a kinder gentler class of people. I had more friends than I ever imagined I could have and they loved me as I was with no strings attached. Life is better, sweeter and it projects in vivid technicolor. The Emerald City is in my heart, and there's no place like me.