You Are the Wizard You Seek

When you begin a spiritual journey, you have many moments of lightness and illumination.
These are the moments that set you on the path. Those that "convert" you, they change your life in small stages. If you follow enough of them, you reach a point of no return. You can never go back to your old life, your old way of thinking. Then one day, you hit a fork in the Yellow Brick Road.

You must make a choice to move forward. You are too far from Kansas, and Munchkinland has nothing to offer you. What was once a place of color and celebration, is now just a humble hamlet, the shopkeepers have gone back to work, the children are in school, the housewives tend to their chores, the magic has vanished. What had become the new normal, is now the past, and the Emerald city awaits.

Each step in your journey leads you to another place. There are times you will dance up the road, and times that you will cower at the sights and sounds of the dark forest. You will be Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodsman, the Lion, the Wicked Witch, the Good Witch, the lion, the Wizard or Toto. It all depends on who is telling the story, and how much of it you believe.

Belief is powerful. That is why you indoctrinate children at a young age. You tell them what they should believe. You tell them the consequences for doubt.

They grow up, and despite new experiences and evidence to the contrary, they cannot shake these core beliefs. Every new experience must fit into the story they have been told. A new character is created, a magical element added, the story grows more complex and harder to believe.

But you believe the story is who you are. So you believe you are damaged, sick, insane and eventually, you break down. Like all forms of what you believe to be sickness, you think this is a bad thing.

This breakdown is the shattering of the wall around your soul. The burning of the Malleus Maleficarum, that told you you were evil.

Now the story is yours to write. The real protagonist poised to whisper the words into your ear that tell of your greatness and power. The story will have a happy ending at this point, no matter how you write it.

You can always look to the past, remember and realize how far you've come, but you can never return to Kansas. Knowing what you know, we ask, "why would you want to?" ~Silas

Jinnzania's side notes: I've been dealing with insomnia these last few weeks. Never in my life have I had it this bad. My current method of dealing with it, is to try to do something productive. As I will be an exhausted basket case for the following day, at least it gives me some sense of accomplishment.

Last night, I finished reading, "Wicked". It's the story of Oz told from the perspective of Elphaba, a strong-willed woman who believed in justice and equality. She didn't wait for life to happen to her; she created her own destiny. She was educated, she had friends and a lover and cared for her animals as if they were her own children.

She met a tragic end when a little girl from Kansas threw water on her. When the story was told from the little girl's perspective, she was portrayed a bit differently.

I feel like I've been through a series of breakdowns. Tonight, I realized that it wasn't me breaking down, but the story of my life as I knew it. It occurred to me how powerful that story was, and how it had held me in a place of disharmony. I had portrayed myself as a victim, weak and powerless, as I believed women were supposed to be. Even when the intellectual belief went away, the story stayed inside of me. It affected my life and my decisions. I allowed myself to be abused and taken advantage of by people who pretended to care about me.

Last night, the story that other people had been telling me broke apart. All that remained, was the real me. Today, I write my own damn book!

The Boat and the Village

For as long as your language has existed, you have told stories. Children love to hear stories. It is a much more enjoyable way to learn than a lecture. Adults love to hear these stories as well, although they will seldom admit it.

So, in the tradition of the bedtime story, as you are relaxing tonight, we tell you the tale, of "The Boat and the Village".

A woman struggled to swim in rough ocean waters. A cruel ship's captain, had just thrown her overboard. People gathered around shouting encouragement and one kind soul swam out to rescue her. The captain ignored the scene as he'd already found another woman he could use to do his bidding. The kind woman who offered her assistance gave her a place to live and food to eat. She asked only for some help with chores, when the woman, whose name was Maria, was feeling better.

The two became friends, and the helpful woman taught Maria how to take care of herself and how to swim. She swam daily, going further and further out and swimming expertly back to shore.

One day while she was out, she saw another woman flailing about in the cold, rough waters as the heartless ship's captain sped away.

She swam out to help the woman as a crowd gathered, shouting encouragement.

The ship's captain seeing all he attention she was getting, started to regret his decision, and turned the boat around. They both reached the woman at the same time. The drowning woman thought it would be easier to get back in the boat. She kicked away her rescuer, and spat at her. She called her names and accused her of attacking them.

Maria swam away and limped back to shore. Her friend gave her a blanket and a hot meal and tended to her bruises.

The woman, who had been drowning just moments before, strolled the decks with pride, having already forgotten the captain's cruelty. He had changed his mind, so all was well. A few months later, they were sailing in the area again.

Once again, the captain threw her overboard. Shocked, she splashed in the water, crying out for help. A smaller crowd was gathered, and no one extended a hand to help her as they had all seen her treatment of Maria. She turned to see that the boat was just a tiny dot on the horizon. Help was not coming. She struggled, taking water into her lungs. She kicked until her legs were sore and cramped and collapsed into a heap on the beach. She shivered on the sand, starving and exhausted. She spent the next few weeks begging for food, until she finally found work and a place to live. The hardship that her life had become made her regret her initial decision to go back, but the choice had been made and now she had to live with the consequences.

Meanwhile, Maria had been hired by he village to patrol the beaches. She made a good living and rescued many people. She went out on boat rides with the local fisherman often, as she no longer had anything to fear from the water.

The lesson :

It is not wise to board boat, unless you know how to swim, and if you slap away the hand that reaches out to help you one time, that will be the last, as it will most likely not be offered to you again.

Running From the Rescuers

Humans have many tools at their disposal that can help them when they are hurting. They are gifts from Heaven, sent to rescue you in your time of need. It is a shame you run from them.

You have been given the gift of tears. Water is a substance that fills any space and can pick up debris and wash it away.  Tears remove the emotional  debris from your heart. They cleanse your spirit and although, you may not want to remember, you always feel better afterward. To hold  back your tears is like damming a powerful river. Everything will seem fine until so much pressure builds that the dam cannot stand against it and there is an emotional explosion. Tears channel away that emotion gently, so that you do not have to break down. You can have a gradual and nearly painless release if you allow it.

Physical pain and symptoms of illness are also a gift.  Again, they do not seem like it, but they can be helpful in many ways. Pain tells you something is wrong. A person who has lost all feeling in parts of their body has no idea if they have been injured.Pain alerts you to stop what you are doing and rest and heal.  Symptoms of illness, such as sneezing,coughing, and fever are there to help your body, rid itself of toxins, viruses and others forms of sickness. Your body’s natural response is to push out the illness, but your remedies often trap it inside your body until the next time your immune system is down. Then it begins again.  Again, your body needs to rest and heal. Ifyou have the time, you should listen to it. When your body fights a disease as nature intended, you become stronger and more resistant to disease.  Then again, some of you enjoy your drama so that choice is yours.

Anger is another magic tool. It is like a giant, powerful hammer that breaks through barriers and helps you unburden yourself so that you can move forward. You often fear anger in yourself and
others. Respect it for its power, but do not be afraid.  Anger used in a positive way can be helpful to you and others.  Anger over an abused animal might inspire a person to open an animal shelter.  Anger over poverty might inspire a person to start a food drive in their neighborhood. Anger over mistreatment by others might encourage you to stand up for yourself.

These are powerful gifts that you always have available.There is no need to fear power if you understand it. Use it wisely and justly,and no one will be harmed, and many may be healed. ~Silas

Jinnzania’s side notes: I used to fear my tears. I always felt that they took away my control and made me appear weak. I grew up with the phrase, “Big girls don’t cry”.  My tears represented failure.  They represented immaturity and showed the world I was a “big baby”.  I’ve since found that they help me to release toxic emotions that have been holding me back. In the past year it’s been hard to remember a day without a good cry. Thank goodness for that. I can’t imagine where I’d be if I’d held it all in.

Anger was always an emotion I’d feared. It meant I was in trouble, or I had committed the hideous sin of failing to make everyone happy.I certainly wasn’t happy, how could anyone else be? Lately
when I feel angry, I channel it into writing, exercise or dance. When I channel the energy, in this way it makes me feel powerful and fearless. My problems usually look much smaller when I stare them down and face them.

As for physical illness, I will include the disclaimer,“Always see your doctor if you think you have a serious illness”.  As for me, I’m not into Western medicine unless its an emergency, but that’s my path and it can be a challenging one, soI do not judge those who seek prescribed and over the counter
remedies. I’ve  been there myself. If you have the sick leave and it’s just a little cold, try a day of rest and healthy foods and fluids. You might be surprised at how quickly you recover.

I once heard a song that made me cry. It contained the line:“You see the shelter as the storm, holding
wind to keep you warm”.  It reminded me that that was just what I’d been doing. Running away
from people and things who could rescue me, and jumping headfirst into chaos.  It hasn’t helped in 
the past, so I think I should probably stop that.

Knowledge and Wisdom

The acquisition of knowledge is one of the reasons that you are here on Earth. It is good to listen to what your scientists say. At this time, science and spirituality have a big gap in between them, but there will come a time when this will not be so.  There is room for all types of learning and no type should be automatically avoided.

Knowledge is what your schools will give you. You learn facts and figures and skills that will serve you in your daily life.  Your scientists study facts and evidence to add to this body of knowledge. Knowledge is a good thing.

Wisdom is gained through life experience.  It is like an experiment in your personal reality. You learn what works and what does not. You learn where you have struggled and how to avoid such struggles in the future. Wisdom is also a good thing.

One is not better than the other, unless you fail to apply what you know or have learned. You can read that a plant needs a certain kind of care to grow (knowledge) and fail to provide that care. You can observe that over the years a certain type of flower does well in a certain area of your garden  without knowing why (wisdom) and plant it elsewhere.

There are no smart or dumb people in the world. There are simply those who have successfully applied what they know and those that choose not to do so.

Do not sell yourself short, if you do not have advanced degrees and education. Education comes in many forms. Do not doubt knowledge gained through experience, for it is equally valid.

The only “sin” you can create, is to refuse to see what has been placed before you because it comes into conflict with your desires.  If you belong to a certain group whose beliefs are contrary to a scientific idea or proven fact, you might take a closer look at the group. A belief system that can be so easily destroyed by provable facts may not be completely valid. You can also ignore good advice when it is given to you because you want to continue to date a certain individual, eat a certain food, or drive a particular car.

This is not to say that you should take everything at face value, but keep the information in mind as you proceed.  It is always acceptable to make a mistake, but let that mistake add to your knowledge, and once the knowledge is aquired, do not make that mistake anymore. You can apply that knowledge to make a better choice, or to change your pattern and make a new mistake. Each one adds to what you know.

It is when you continue to make the same mistakes that we look at you and scratch our heads. Perhaps you could explain this to us one day and add to our knowledge. We are always eager to learn something new ~ Silas

Jinnzania’s side notes: Many times in my life, I’ve felt completely stuck. Continually pushing down the gas pedal as my tires spin in the deep mud, thinking that just one more try and things will change. Change requires a different action. This isn’t about practice. If you were practicing an instrument and hit a wrong note, you would change your technique to hit the right one. Practicing the wrong note for many hours will do you no good. If you want a different outcome, you need to take a different action. Sometimes, I have noticed, very small changes can lead to much better outcomes. I get there by looking at what I’ve done and seeing what works and what doesn’t.  Even good science can be influenced in a negative way by the beliefs of the scientist. The good scientist goes in with an open and neutral attitude. His/her purpose is not to prove a theory, but to learn, and report the results in an unbiased way. We could all benefit from this type of attitude.  My personal scientific experiments are still a work in progress.  I’ll let you know when I get there.

Just the Dancer

You have among you, healers, artists, creators, and dreamers who bring their ideas to life. You look upon them with admiration. They have a skill that you lack (or believe that you lack). They have a confidence in what they do. It flows smoothly. They have earned their bragging rights.

Although, the best of them, do not brag. For they know where there talent comes from. They appreciate it, they cultivate it. They get out of its way.

Of course, there are those who brag. They believe (as their admirers do), that their talent comes from them. They speak often of the struggle of creation, how many years they have worked to get where they are. They talk of frustrating dry spells and some become addicted to substances.

Others, just flow. They pick up their pen, their instrument, or their paintbrush. It comes naturally, they are always, coming up with new ideas, exploring their craft, innovating and they love what they do.

They have discovered, that the secret to creation, is not in the struggle, but in the letting go. They learn to trust, step back and allow Spirit to create through them. This is not cheating, as we have been led to believe, but a true channeling of creative energy, as it was intended to be.

A true artist, has an air of humility about him. He knows that the creation does not belong to him. He is honored to be the creative channel, and he can usually create at will. Those who try to create from their ego, often struggle with the process. It comes and goes, or they toil away, until the joy is nearly gone from the process. Finally, in the midst of the struggle, they become exhausted, let go, and the energy comes through and something amazing is created. The creation comes, not from the work, but from the letting go.

When you get in touch with this energy source, the ideas come in so quickly, that you become frustrated that you do not have the time and energy to address all of them. You find yourself writing them down, while the energy is fresh, so that they are not lost. The creation itself, is an act of love, of lovemaking with the Divine; becoming the creator and bringing Heaven to Earth.

All of you have this power within you. Right now.

Close your eyes and breathe. Offer yourself as a channel, a mouthpiece, an instrument. Then ask, what Spirit wants to create, through you. If you do this with an open and trusting heart. Spirit will answer. For this, is what Spirit has been waiting for. You have answered the prayers of the Divine. ~Silas

Jinnzania's side notes: A decade ago, I joined a poetry group. I was blown away, at first, at the level of talent of the members in the group. My poetry, was technically good, but had a very generic feel to it. As I listened to the poetry of others, I began to find my own voice, and a few years later, entered and won a local poetry contest.

One of the judges was a man who had openly criticized my work. He seemed to feel that rhymed poems (like one of the poems that won the contest), were silly and lacked the emotional depth of free verse and stream of consciousness poems. He once wrote a poem that described the process he went through when writing. The "poem", that he was trying to write, was described as a troll-like creature that had to be wrestled to the ground. It made me wonder why he wrote at all. That was his choice. He liked the struggle. He enjoyed talking about endless hours of searching for the perfect word. Sweating and toiling over the editing process, talking about travels around the world that he seemed to need to inspire him.

If that's his process, and what drives him to create, that's fine. He wrote some amazing poems and it seemed to work for him. I prefer to dance with my words. Sometimes it's a dance of joy, painted with laughter and smiles, sometimes it's a dance of sadness or anger, it doesn't matter. If I dance, the words flow. They say you can work harder, or work smarter. I prefer to work with ease and joy. It's not about me anyway, I'm just the dancer.

Expression, Impression and Imprinting

There are three ways that you energetically interact with another. When you push your energy outward you are expressing. When you allow the energy of another to affect you in a positive or negative way, they are making an impression on you. If you allow that energy to permanently alter your energy, they have made an imprint on you.

Expression is the energy you send outward. Like all interactions, you want it to be positive so that when it comes back to you, the good energy will be multiplied. You can express yourself in daily conversations, on your social networks, through art, music and dance. It can be a beautiful thing and if used in a positive way can leave good energy on this Earth even after you have departed from it.

Impression is the receiving end of expression. It is the energy you choose to take in from others. This is always your choice. You can receive the energy and let your actions be affected by it, or you can ignore, deflect or walk away from it. If you do not want the energy, walking away or ignoring is your best option. You can mount an opposition, or argue with the person, but this tells them that you are impressionable. You fear that they will make an impression against your will and you are trying to fight it. They will argue back if they think you can be swayed, but often they walk away, if influence is not their goal.

Imprinting is the strongest type of impression. The influence of a person, situation or event is so strong that it can affect your actions and change the personality you project to the world. It is not necessarily a bad thing, but something often perpetrated on the weak, naive and vulnerable. You can imprint upon a child that they are strong, capable and lovable. You can also imprint that they are helpless, unworthy and unloved. Romantic relationships can work this way as well. A more confident partner will often make an imprint on an insecure one. Those who choose the path of deceit, will often seek out vulnerable individuals.

Imprinting occurs when the influence of a person or event is so strong that the person receiving the energy, if fundamentally changed by it. Your condition of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome works this way. Removing an imprint is difficult and professional help is often a good idea. The other way that energy is imprinted is through constant exposure. This is why you should limit your contacts with some people and mind the media that you expose yourself to.

Negative impressions and imprints can be removed, but it usually requires an open mind and heart. Do not be afraid to seek the help and counsel of others, as long as they can be trusted. The more negative impressions and imprints you have the more easily influenced you are. So, be mindful of those whose council you seek, but know too, that your deep set imprints may prevent you from hearing the truth.

Use your heart to determine your best course of action. When it is open, it never fails ~Silas

Jinnzania's side notes: I was born with my senses wide open. I loved to dance and sing, create works of art and tell stories. There was a give and take of impression and expression. I wasn't afraid of being laughed at; until I was actually laughed at.

Growing up, learning to fit in, following the rules. I learned that I couldn't color in the lines as well as the other kids, so I stopped doing art. I learned that I didn't have a pretty voice so I stopped singing. I learned that if you're not doing ballet, tap or ballroom, then you're not really dancing, so I stopped doing that. I learned that it's very hard to make a living as a writer so I gave up a dream. I gradually allowed others to impress and imprint upon me in a negative way and lost all my confidence.

I didn't believe in myself, so I believed in everyone else. What was intended to make me practical and street-wise, actually left me quite vulnerable, and open to all suggestion, good or bad.

Over the last five years or so, I've weaned myself off of many of the negative people and situations that were draining me and undermining my confidence. I see people around my standing proudly and confidently in their power and see how far I have to go, and then I see how easily others around me can be influenced, and I see how far I've come. I have not yet reclaimed that wide-open fearless explorer I once was, but I can feel her stirring in my heart again.

Healing For Real

Healing is not a pretty process. Sometimes the medicine you must take is bitter. If healing is your goal, then you must take it. You cannot ask another person to take it for you.

Most problems people face in the healing process come from fighting it. Your doctors give you a pill to make symptoms go away that are part of the healing process. Then the problem gets worse. You need a new pill to treat the symptoms caused by the first pill that was used to treat your body's attempt to heal itself.

Healing from heartbreak is a similar process. There are no shortcuts. When you jump quickly into another relationship, you bring your old relationship issues with you. If you have not healed them or at least recognized them. You will experience them again.

Continuously moving from one relationship to another is no different from being a drug addict with a steady supply of drugs. To be truly healed, you must face the withdrawal symptoms. Cocaine is not a cure for cocaine addiction.

You do not need to sit alone and suffer while this process goes on. You can make it easier by using the energy for creative and constructive things. Writing, dance, music and art can be part of the healing process. Many artists have had difficult lives but used their pain to create.

Know that healing is a process, it will pass and when it does, you will feel lighter and more free. You will feel more confident, have more energy and be less dependent on others.

If you try to cheat it, you will only be cheating yourself. You are worthy of better things. Allow yourself the gift of anger, that breaks through obstacles, allow yourself the gift of uncertainty that will start you asking the questions that will put you on the right path, allow yourself the gift of tears that cleanse your heart and soul.

Hurts and injuries can and will stop you in your tracks. You must heal your feet if you want to walk down your life's path. ~ Silas

Jinnzania's side notes: My own healing journey has been long, painful and occasionally humiliating due to the thoughtless actions of a person I thought was my soulmate. He was my drug of choice. I would feel high when we we were together, and crash during long absences, (in which other women were probably feeling the same thing). "We", apparently, were all crazy. "We" didn't understand him. So "we" never checked his story. This part of "we" wouldn't have. I was stoned on the sociopath. When you've been hurt by someone with no capacity to feel pain, know that you will receive no help or closure. Don't think you will ever even have the chance to confront him. You are on your own. Keep your true friends close, for they will pull you up during your dark times. The journey is long, but the destination is worth it. "Cheat to win" was his philosophy. I'd rather just quit the game and take my life back. Every day, I get a little closer. I think most people in the world are good. Don't let one bad egg ruin it for you.

What Has Been Seen........

When you are headed down the wrong path, we in the other realm, try to give you a hint. It might be a thought, a sound, even a scent. We will send you signs, whisper in your ears, give your stomach a gentle squeeze so that you will feel something is not right.

You have a saying on Earth, "Always trust your gut". When you reach this place you are nearly at the end of our ability to warn you. You have driven out of our range. There is only one more way left that we can give you a message, before you have to experience the painful situation again.

It is sight. Not necessarily physical sight, but "seeing" the situation for what it is. It is the clearest way that we can communicate with you, but it is also your last chance. After that, all we can do is watch you relive your lessons again. We cannot assist you unless you ask.

You can bring up this method of communication at will. You always have full access to it. Simply ask to see what you need to see. Ask why you are feeling these sensations and what lessons you have to learn. The answer will come quickly. When the question is asked.

Once you have clearly seen, and you have that "Aha!" moment, you no longer need to have the experience. Your lesson is learned. You cannot know what a relief this is to us. We do not desire your suffering and each lesson gets harder. The sooner you learn, the less pain you will feel. Intelligence, experience, and age have little bearing on this. A tough lesson can be experienced at any age or level of spiritual development. It does not reflect who you are. It might be that you are ambitious and want to do graduate work, or perhaps you just enjoy the rush of victimhood. We will not judge you.

Open the eyes of your heart. Then you will see clearly and with love. And we on this side of creation, will cheer you on ~ Silas

Jinnzania's side notes: It has been quite the week. A situation occurred that forced me to relive a pain from my past. I had been asking for release from this situation but was not expecting it to play out as it did. I no longer allow myself to be consumed by strong emotions. I got to look upon a situation that I once desired, and realized that I no longer want that. Through another, I saw what it looks like to be the victim. It's not pretty and I'm done with it.
So I turned my attention to another task. I needed a computer. I thought of posting my manifestation request on Facebook, but my bff beat me too it. A day later, my new-to-me computer is being serviced so that I can use it. My benefactor is an Earth angel I've known since middle school. And the price, is free. Victim, I don't think so. I have creating to do :)

The Other "V" Word

There are many things that can be said about human addiction. It can take many destructive forms. Traditionally, a substance is involved, but all too often humans also become addicted to emotions, situations and people. The worst addiction you can have is that of being a victim.

"Why would one have such a silly addiction?" you ask. This puzzles us as well, and we were wondering the same thing. Yet you do it everyday.

"Why does this keep happening to me? Why will my weight not change? Why do others have the better jobs; homes; relationships?"

If all things are happening to you, then you are a victim. When you stop being a victim, things will get better. How do you do that? Well, you just stop.

Those brave souls who fight their own addictions to alcohol or drugs every day of their lives are a wonderful example. They may not know where they are headed, but they have the common sense to put on the brakes rather than continue to drive off the cliff.

They are a wonderful example to follow. Many of them are still filling in the holes in their lives which they had once used drugs or alcohol to fill. If they were to have a drink, or a smoke, they would feel momentarily better. They would feel whole again. Until they were not. The cycle would continue until the hole is filled from within.

Being a victim is a great emotional "high". It's quite fun actually. You can eat or drink whatever you want. You don't have to work and you can sleep with anyone you like. The best part is that whatever happens to you is never your fault. When things go badly, it's all about what other things, situations and people have done to you. The problem, as with any substance abuse, is that things will inevitably go badly.

You have within you, the ability to overcome all of your addictions. You are whole, perfect and complete with no assistance from other people, situations or substances. When you stop allowing things to be done to you, you gain the power to do things, then, magically, you are no longer the victim.

Then you learn that no one has been abusing you but yourself.

In the beginning, you must feel the pain and the emptiness. This can be frightening, but it only lasts until you begin to fill the holes. Filling yourself from within puts you in a place where no one can hurt you or take advantage of you. The longer you've been "addicted" to your victimhood, the bigger the holes are, but know that you have the power to fill them completely.

Victims traditionally, do not take action. So if you don't want to be one, then you must act. Stop what you are doing, and make a different choice. Don't take that drink, call a friend. Don't eat that cake, have a salad, or take a walk. Small steps strengthen you. Then bigger ones are possible. You can't do that, you say? Congratulations! You are a victim. Remove the "C" word from your vocabulary, and start doing things. It is a much more satisfying way to live.

When you trip on an object that is lying in the middle of the floor, do not curse it for the pain in your foot, pick it up, put it away, or throw it out. Wave your magic wand at those who try to hurt or take advantage of you and say, "Be gone! You have no power here!" Then dance down the yellow brick road of your choice. If a little girl from Kansas can do it, so can you. <3 Silas


Jinnzania's side notes: I've learned the hard way that being a victim is like walking around with a target on your forehead. I was telling the world, "Over here! I'm the one! Kick me, please!" I spent most of my adult life overweight. I would diet, feel sorry for myself, give in to a fattening treat and feel momentarily satisfied, then wonder why I couldn't lose weight. I would live in an unsatisfying relationship, just to be in one. I would be always anxious and insecure, but in those brief moments when the other person responded to me and briefly filled my emotional holes, all felt right in the world. Until they stopped. I allowed myself to be physically and emotionally screwed, as I chased that elusive high.

One day, I found myself in the street, having been kicked there by one of my favorite "addictions". After a few false starts, I allowed myself to feel the emptiness. Then I saw the holes. I started to fill them with love. As they filled, I noticed that I attracted a kinder gentler class of people. I had more friends than I ever imagined I could have and they loved me as I was with no strings attached. Life is better, sweeter and it projects in vivid technicolor. The Emerald City is in my heart, and there's no place like me.

Using Pain For Gain

When your body is aching, or your heart is broken, it can be hard to imagine that any good can come of it.

When you exercise you feel satisfaction, exhilaration and accomplishment on some days. On others, after the initial rush, you feel pain. You don't want to continue to hurt the muscles, but working them gently allows healing to take place without causing severe injury. Eventually the muscles grow stronger for having endured minor injury and stress.

Your heart is an emotional muscle. You cannot "work it out" without extending yourself to another. This opens you up for possible pain. The ultimate goal of the heart is to give and receive love, but as your heart grows stronger, you will often experience pain. Those who treat sports injuries, use the acronym R.I.C.E. This stands for Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation.

So when your heart is hurting, remember:

Rest: Give yourself the time and space to get away from the situation. Know that you have an injury that must be treated.

Ice: Do not rush to use your heart while it is in this state. Allow the situation to "cool down". When the swelling has gone down, you can more clearly see the nature of the injury.



Compression: Surround your heart with the healing energy of supportive friends and family. Wrap yourself in love.

Elevation: Raise your vibration! Start by grabbing little bits of joy where you can find them. Stack them on top of each other when you have enough. Use them to make steps to climb higher and higher, until you have climbed out of your emotional hole and your heart can feel the rays of the sun.

Pain is never easy, but it gives you the opportunity to grow stronger. You will learn who your true friends are and sometimes find friends you never knew you had. Be gentle with yourself, always, and know that you will survive this pain. It is a gift, wrapped in ugly brown paper, that has the potential to change you life for the better. And you deserve a joyful and amazing life <3 Silas

Jinnzania's side notes: I wrote this blog yesterday with no idea how much I would need to hear these words. Nothing earth shattering, just an old festering wound that needed a good cleaning. As always, I turned to my most trusted friend and spilled my heart out while she listened with compassion, before giving me advice which, as always, was spot on. In my darkest hours I have discovered that I have a multitude of friends who show up like a big goofy marching band and don't leave until I have a smile on my face. For those of you who know my alter ego, she is grateful for all of you. Feeling empowered and getting stronger every day. With a little help from my friends <3

The Flow

Life is a river of energy. When things are going well, you float effortlessly from one experience to another. Occasionally, you will find rocks or fallen trees in your path, but if you don't allow fear to get the better of you, you can easily navigate around them.

Often the flow is slow and gentle. You can get to where you want to go with subtle movements of the arms and legs. The journey can be one of ease and beauty if you allow it to be. You drift gently to your destination enjoying the coolness of the water and the beauty of the scenery that you pass.

Often we forget this potential for life to be easy and effortless. We panic and hold onto the rocks as we float into rougher waters. We get stuck and stall in the face of a fallen log or rocks that block our path. We mistakenly believe that the ride is over. Muscles tighten, fear rises, we believe that if we let go, all will be lost. Our most frightening thoughts will come to pass.

They will not come to pass, unless you stubbornly create them. When we are facing our deepest, darkest fears, and all seems lost, this is the time, that we give up and let go. We may flounder a bit, briefly dip below the water, but eventually, the water slows, and again, you find yourself in the gentle, easy flow.

Facing your fears pushes them into the light, and you can see that they are not as big as you thought. You relax and find a foothold, a small channel through which you can pass. Days, weeks and years of holding tightly against them, will tire you out. You will struggle more and have less energy to swim through them and past them.

When you feel afraid, tense, sad, confused or overwhelmed, know that fear is the cause, and that it is much smaller than you think. Stop. Close your eyes. Ask what this fear is, and what you need to face and conquer it. Then, when you have your answer. Let go. Enjoy the change, the thrill of the unknown. It is an adventure that leads to victory. And things will settle and you will find peace again. Every time.

Drama, Tragedy and Bad Hair Days

Your lives on this Earth, are a series of high and low points. It is a game, and as in all games, there are tests. It is hard to avoid these tests unless you want to live in a cave on the side of a mountain. Do not blame yourselves for these tests. Do not run from them. Sometimes the biggest gains require the biggest risks. Unfortunately, when your life is safe, you are unwilling to take them.

The Universe is madly in love with you and wants to give you only the best. A lukewarm existence is not good enough. So sometimes, just as one who loves you will do, it gives you a little push. When you are far out of your comfort zone, or have reached a "rock bottom" moment, you are more likely to act.

If you push aside the fear and drama, you can see the lesson clearly. Then it is up to you. You can continue to lash out at the spiritual "fairy godparent" who is trying to give you an amazing gift, or you can accept it. Wrinkled, plain paper wrapping and all.

Fear and judgment (which is also fear in a different package), are the biggest obstacles you face in preventing you from seeing these gifts. You might fear an uncertain future, even if you do not like your present, or make the judgment that something is too hard or not conventional. Failure at, or loss of a job might prompt you to find a better one that you love. The end of a romantic relationship might open the door for real love to come through.

Sometimes, when you have finally made a decision, you will encounter a glitch or unpleasant situation. Do not judge or doubt yourself. Do not rush to the conclusion that you have acted in error. Sometimes the Universe is simply making sure that the door to the past stays closed. Do not try to pick the lock. Walk away. Your dream may lie behind the next door.

Think to the biggest failures, or struggles in your life. How did they change your life? What did you learn about yourself and the situation? Did you fight the unpleasant event? Or let go and start in a new direction?

What is the biggest tragedy that could befall you right now? How would you react? Why would it be a tragedy? And what will you do about it right now? Be brave, take risks, and accept the gift Spirit is offering you. This would make the Universe so happy!

Jinnzania's side notes: So many times in my life, I've fought to keep a bad situation in my life. I'd know it was wrong for me and I needed move on, but I'd just hang on tighter fighting to grind that square peg into the round hole while the Universe was trying to hand me a barrel full of round pegs, if I'd only let go and take them.

I recently had a rough day at work. One of those days where you ask, "So, why am I doing this again?" I got really depressed and had a little meltdown in my office. So I asked, "Why is this happening?" The answer that came was that I was leaving that job soon (contract work), and that I had already decided to relocate and find one closer to my friends and family. The Universe was just reminding me of that, as I had recently applied for a job in my current area. Suddenly it made perfect sense. I had made the right decision but now I was looking backwards. I took a deep breath, reaffirmed my decision to move back home, then finished my lunch break and returned to the office. When I returned, I received a hug from my coworker and was reassured that my work was just fine and my contribution to the project was valued. Just a little change of attitude and all the drama went away. *Sigh* ....And the Oscar goes to..........

Hero in the Mirror

Humans love to create heroes. You look up to your celebrities and athletes. You have a special place in your hearts for your spiritual guides and leaders. You hang on their every word. You rush in to protect them when they are under attack. Even when the attack is justified.

When they let you down, you fall hard. It is as though a dream has died. Santa Claus does not bring the presents. The Easter Bunny does not hide the eggs. It hits you as though you were still a vulnerable child.

You tend to pick heroes just as you pick romantic partners. You see in them, the qualities that you feel you lack. You see a level of ability you wish you had and believe that somehow, your hero worship will bring it to you.

It is alright to admire a person for their talents and abilities. You can respect a person for the guidance they give, or the lessons they offer, but worshipping them, takes the pressure off of you. You do not need to succeed, someone is doing it for you. You do not need to be brave. Someone has enough courage for a hundred people.

This is another reason why you are so affected by fallen heroes. Now, you are expected to do the work yourself. You are the one who must play the instrument, sing the song, write the book, run for office. Success is a lot of work. Much easier to let someone else do it while you complain that you could never be that way.

You can be that way. You can be any way you choose.

Look to the people you admire. What qualities do they have? Are these qualities that you lack? Or do you just not do something as well as they do? Do you resonate with the words of a particular leader or teacher? Are you putting into practice what they teach, or do you just stand back and admire the words?

Look in the mirror, and know, that you are amazing! You are capable! You can do anything you set your mind to and no one else can do the unique job that you were put on this Earth to do.

Then when you find that the celebrity whose courage you admire, ran and hid in a crisis, a beautiful actress had plastic surgery, the athlete you have been trying to emulate took illegal drugs, you will be fine, because the qualities you admire, are inside of you. You have become your own hero!

Jinnzania's side notes: when I was a child, I thought it would be fun to be famous. I pretended to sing and dance for an invisible audience. I thought it would be great for people to look at me lovingly, admiring my talent and putting me on a pedestal. I was always looking outward, because I was never good enough. Whenever an idea inspired me, I would quickly let it go, because someone else could do it better. I never tried, so I never failed. I didn't have the patience or confidence when I was younger and as I got older it seemed that everything took too long to learn, or I didn't dare as I was somehow unworthy.

In the past year, I've been thrust from my comfort zone, so failing and looking silly became less of an issue. So, I've tried new things and new ways of doing things. I've taken chances and taken bigger steps. As a result, I've learned that I am a unique and powerful being. I have begun to appreciate my strengths and work around my weaknesses. I love being me! I wouldn't want to take on the experience of another no matter how much I love and admire them.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go, the citizens of Earth need me! Fairy powers, ACTIVATE!

Sticks and Stones

Words. They are simply sounds that pass through your lips that have over millenia, been given meaning. You can say the meanest thing that your mind can think of and fail to do any physical damage to the person you are talking to. So, words cannot hurt. Not if you don't allow them to. If you allow their energy to penetrate your aura, they can not only hurt, they can kill.

This gives you dual responsibility. You must not allow the words of others to affect you. You can shield yourself, walk away or simply do not listen. Know that the words are a reflection of the person who speaks them. You need not be affected by them at all.

This also means that you are responsible for the words you speak. Not every person is properly shielded. Some have issues with confidence and self-esteem. The wrong words spoken at the wrong time, can send a person into an emotional tailspin. They are responsible for the reality they create, but the karma your words create will come back to you, always.

A person who feels well but goes to the doctor and is told he or she is sick, will usually become so. You have great respect for your doctors, many are great healers, but do not let them dicatate how you feel.

People such as doctors, healers, politicians and celebrities are percieved to have words that carry more meaning than the rest of you. This is not true, unless you decide that it is.

Your own words are very powerful. Your negative self talk will always bring about the situation that you are fearing.

Is it hard to earn a living, you say? Then it shall be. Is it a struggle to lose weight? Very well then, enjoy the struggle. You cannot pass the test because you are just not smart enough? Perhaps you will decide that you are smarter when you are re-taking it. That would be a better choice. You doubt your ability to manifest, yet you do it all the time, and brilliantly! So why not manifest something you actually want?

Listen to your self talk. Look at the issues you have. What lies have you told yourself about shortcomings and imperfections?

Would you like to change your life? Then change your story.....and give it a happy ending.

Jinnzania's side notes: As a writer, I have been learning to use my words very carefully. I have been more observant of the words of others and how they affect me as well as how they affect the person speaking. When I find that life has become a struggle, I look to the words and the story I've been telling myself. In the days when I owned birds, I was always made aware of things that I was saying. The birds would repeat them at random. If a bird picks it up, then your'e saying it a lot, or with a lot of emphasis. If you don't have a parrot, find a friend. One who will be honest with you in a loving way (yes, this is possible), and ask them to monitor your words. It can be a very illuminating experience. When something comes up, think about how you might say it differently. Make it a game, have fun with it. If it gets ridiculous, and makes you laugh, then you're already in a better place.

A Message Just For You

Shhhhh! The Universe is talking. It has a special message just for you. It is too bad that you will most likely ignore it. You will turn away and cover your ears, because, you don't like the way the message has been conveyed, or do not approve of the messenger. Perhaps the messenger does not have lofty credentials or has not written a book. Perhaps their clothing or hairstyle is not to your liking. Perhaps the messenger is a two year old child, or a dog, and you are a cat person.

Spirit has a message for everyone. Every minute of every day, and it is personal. It is what you need to hear. Just like the story of the blind men and the elephant, the same message might be interpreted differently by different people, or affected by who is giving the message.

Every prayer, petition or question is answered. Sometimes the answer is right in front of you, sometimes the answer, is "wait, we have a better idea".

Life is not meant to be a mystery. It is easily understood without years of work and schooling.
You do not need to buy a book, rent a DVD or see an inspirational speaker in person to get the answers that you need. While these things can be helpful, the answers are at your fingertips without having to spend a single penny.

It is much easier to see the message if you give up judgement and open your ears. Often people will close their ears when they hear the word, "God", for instance, because of a painful religious upbringing, or another person might not want to hear a message from your "God" because He is quoted from a different book, or He is She. Being open means understanding that the message might be, "this is not what you want to do". A person whose actions have offended you might have something meaningful to say, but you will miss it because you cannot bring yourself to believe that they have anything important to teach you.

Children and animals are among the most pure channels for Divine wisdom, but we have been taught that someone without formal education cannot have anything of importance to say. And there is a belief that animals have no souls, so how could they be messengers? They can be messengers because no one has told them they cannot be. No one has instilled that self-doubt, that would keep them from believing it.

Sometimes those who have wronged you have messages. They do not realize they are messengers. They speak as though speaking for themselves, but they have something to say that has meaning for you, if you can put aside your feelings and hear it. This does not mean you condone what they have done. It's not about them. The message is for you. They are not the message, but the channel, unconscious or not. Do not let them spoil it for you. It is your gift from Spirit.

When you want an answer, or need to hear a special message, then ask; make the request; and listen. The message may be from God. Perhaps She is trying to tell you something.

Jinnzania's side notes: I was once asked by a man with whom I was having a relationship: "Why don't you love yourself as much as other people love you?" Ironically, when he proved himself to be a liar and a manipulator and caused more pain and heartbreak than I had ever felt in my life, I found out that his words were true. Many people did love me. Some of them so much that they wouldn't allow me to sell myself short. They came out of the woodwork to offer assistance any hour of the day or night. I had forgotten that message, because I was trying to forget him. The message had nothing to do with him. He had no amazing Divine wisdom. He could have read that on a bumper sticker. Spirit used him to send me a message. As I've learned to forgive and move on, I've become more open. I still struggle with that message, but it is coming in more clearly. If only it had come from my dog :(